IT'S OVER! IT'S FINALLY OVER!

Today is November 30 which means....NABLOPOMO is at an end! WOOHOO! Ring the bells! Sound the retreat!

Why the excitement you say? Why should I be excited about something I most certainly half-assed anyway? Why? WHY?!

Because even though I half-assed (and that's...literally half-assed...I don't think I posted even HALF of 30 posts during the month of November) it still caused me stress and anxiety when I would occasionally remember that I was supposed to be participating- reminding me that I was not even TRYING to make an effort. And that for every day that I was not posting- not even TRYING to post- after saying that I would at least try- I was FAILING.

But...then I thought, you know...instead of feeling like a Failure, I should feel like a Success! Because I am being a Success at Failing! And I should rejoice that I am proving to myself and others that I have not become Someone I'm Not. Someone that "wins" or "puts forth a lot of effort" or "gives a crap". I am, as I have always been and hopefully will always be, a Quitter.

I Procrastinate ("I can't post now! My hair needs to be checked thoroughly for split ends!" or "I can't post now! My shoe laces are in obvious need of being unlaced and then laced again!"). I Make Excuses ("Uh...my charger broke...causing me to lose so much momentum that I just can not possibly be expected to pick back up in two hours when my laptop finishes recharging. I just can not possibly recover from that kind of a set back. Honestly.")

And when it comes down to it, I'm just plain Lazy. Why post when you could...uh...not post?

Yes my friends, I am a Quitter. I don't "persevere" when "faced with obstacles". I don't "try harder" when "experiencing minor setbacks".

I never have. Some might say that makes me a "slacker" or an "underachiever". Someone who's "going nowhere". But you know what I say? I say it makes me "consistent".

So I may be a Quitter, but I'm always a quitter. No surprises here. Nope. Not a one. What I have not accomplished today I will not have accomplished tomorrow. Or a week from now. Or when I'm 60.

You can have your "goals" and your "satisfaction at a job well done".

When you're old and worn out and tired of carrying around the burden of your many achievements, you can leave your penthouse, sell your personal jet, and come hang out with me. You'll be able to find me. Just look around. I'll be the one smiling, with my feet up...

...livin' in that van down by the river.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING A DAY LATE!

I hope everyone's Thanksgiving was spectacular! Filled with food and friends and love. :)

WAY CUTE OR PASS THE AIRSICK BAG?

Am I being a curmudgeon or is the sight of a couple high-fiving while in line at the supermarket totally vomit worthy?

Please let me know so I can adjust my viewpoint accordingly.

HOW 80’s AND EARLY 90’s POP CULTURE, LIKE, TOTALLY SAVED THE DAY:

Here’s how my morning started:

• Got up a half hour early to go to the bank.
• Left my house in the rain.
• Realized 10 minutes after leaving my house that my feet were already Wet, Slimy, and Cold.
• Completed the 30 Minute That Should Only Have Been 10 But People Suck At Driving trip to the bank only to find…the bank is CLOSED. Apparently THAT branch doesn’t open until 12pm. Stupid branch. Stupid bank.
• Began the drive back to work- already late due to my totally wasted effort.

Crappy start to an Already Crappy Because I Have to Go To Work Again Day, no? Oui, I thought so too.

BUT. BUT…this day has since been rescued! Yes, I realize I should probably be embarrassed by what I’m about to tell you, but hey…I work at a boring job where I am chained to my desk for 8 hours a day…it doesn’t take much to Cause Unwarranted Excitement and Overall Glee.

SO. I know you’re dying to know what caused such glee.

FIRST. On the rainy, dreary, feet are still wet drive back I heard…(on a supposedly normal radio station-I have since reevaluated said station)…THE SPICE GIRLS.

And not their latest Attempt at a Comeback which I’m trying very hard to ignore (I mean, seriously…do they really think they can bring back the Girl Power? They’re all, like, MOMS n’ stuff. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a mom…and they’re still hot- I should be so lucky- but its just…not the same.) No, no, this was an oldie. And oh yes, I sang along.

“Tell me what you want what you really really want. I’ll TELL you what I want what I really really want…Everybody’s down and wine is all around!”

If those aren’t some quality lyrics, I don’t know what are!

(Cue feelings of Shame and Embarrassment for ignoring the Don’t Do That Alarm in my brain and actually typing those lyrics out.)

SECOND. I found out that there are THREE (count em’ three!) blogs devoted solely to 80’s Tween Lit.

1. The Dairi Burger- Recaps the old Sweet Valley High books with added commentary. AWESOME. I read all of them, and it’s totally fun to look back and see them lovingly broken down by Each Individual Ridiculous Element.
2. BSC Headquarters- Much like The Dairy Burger, except this blog critiques the Babysitters Club. ALSO AWESOME. I read all these books as well. (And yes, I was a Total Geek growing up, thank you.)
3. What Claudia Wore- Chronicles the ‘Artsy and, Like, Totally Fashion Forward’ style of Claudia Kishi- also Babysitters Club if for some like, totally, unacceptable reason you didn’t already know that. Posts are broken down Outfit by- what was she thinking?!- Outfit.

So…let's summarize:

The Spice Girls, Sweet Valley High, AND the Babysitters Club.

AND ALL BEFORE LUNCHTIME!

My day is complete. Even my slimy feet couldn’t bring me down off this Hot Pink Eighties cloud. Throw in the Goonies and I’d probably pee my pants.


Thanks to Feministing for the tip!

HELLO, YOU'VE REACHED HOPE'S VOICEMAIL. PLEASE REFRAIN FROM LEAVING A MESSAGE. THANK YOU.

Why do people think voicemail is there for them to leave actual MESSAGES? Don’t people know how many STEPS it takes to check one’s voicemail and how unnecessary it is when cell phones have caller ID and I already know who called? I don’t NEED you to leave a message. All I need is to see that you called, at which point I will call you back. Or not, depending on Who You Are. Collection agencies need not apply.

Most troublesome are messages that consist of nothing more than “Hey it’s __________. Call me back.” Yes, I KNOW it’s you and using my Above Average Powers of Deduction I have already come to the conclusion that you Want Me To Call You Back.

As with any Great Rule, however, there ARE exceptions, which Include But Are Not Limited To the following:

1. I don’t know you, have never talked to you, and therefore wouldn’t recognize your number.
2. You have a Really Great Anecdote that you are DYING to tell someone (or someone’s voicemail in the absence of Actual Person) and if you don’t get to verbalize said Really Great Anecdote immediately you’ll just EXPLODE.
3. You need to communicate something but your Train Is About To Go Through A Tunnel or you’re About To Enter A Movie Theater or some other Activity That Would Render You Unavailable should I call you right back.
4. You don’t need me to call you back, you just need to Tell Me Something.

That being said, I suppose that my problem with voicemail messages is really just limited to those people who frequently call me just to say hi and always leave the same message…(“Hi, it’s me, call me back”)…even after I’ve told them that I don’t ever check their messages, I just call them right back. And upon further reflection, I suppose there are really only one or two people who do this…none of whom read this blog.

…so…maybe it’s not really a problem at all.

Maybe I should stop writing now.

BECAUSE I AM THE MOST WORTHLESS EMPLOYEE EVER TO WANDER THE EARTH...

....THIS was the only worthwhile thing I accomplished in the 8 hours I've been sitting at my desk today:

But look how cute! It was a picture just begging to be LOLCAT-ed.

(Click on the picture to go make one of your own!)

DOES ORANGE MAKE MY SINKS LOOK FAT?

Lately I've noticed that two workplace bathrooms consistently smell like Skittles.

Before that I discovered Smarties loitering about the bathroom floor.

The next logical step would be arriving to find Oompa Loompas cleaning the toilets.

I shall keep watch for them.

I'll let you know when they arrive.

.

SHARK BREAK!

This thing is way fun- and it actually IS relaxing seeing the little Shark or Orca follow your cursor around. The Shark is more graceful and therefore more relaxing, but the Orca is more fun cause it's FAT. You can change the Creature and Scenery by clicking on the pictures above and to the left. Enjoy yet another way to slack off and not do what you're presumably being paid to do right now! :)





http://www.sharkbreak.com/

I EAT. THEREFORE I AM.

So...I'm going to dinner tonight with a friend I haven't seen in a long time- but who at one point was a Very Good Friend. I am excited to see her. HOWEVER, I am filled with apprehension about one aspect of the reunion.

This friend is one of those Tiny People. TINY. Now, I have no problem with Tiny People as long as the Tiny Person in question can put away some chow like a champ. Because I can put away some chow like a champ. I am a Food Queen. Anything daring to refer to itself as Entertainment should have food involved- and I have trained myself in Food Stamina and Endurance accordingly throughout my life time. When I go out to eat, I EAT. And I don't like to go out with those who don't, cause what fun is that? Not fun at all, I tell you. It's like trying to get excited about the Crate and Barrel Holiday Inventory (very excited!) with a 19 Year Old Frat Boy- it just doesn't work. You have nothing in common.

Soooo....the problem is that I can't remember (we haven't hung out in almost 6 years) whether this is one of those Tiny People who stays tiny due to Freakishly Wicked Metabolism or one of those Tiny People who stays tiny due to the fact that she Just Doesn't Eat. Its a concern, for we're going to this Mexican restaurant where I am planning to, not only gorge myself on chips as soon as I arrive, but also order something Totally Disgusting And Hopefully Smothered In Cheese.

So...if she's one of those Just Doesn't Eat People- it will ruin my evening of Friendship Rekindling and Gluttony- and I don't want to have that severe a grievence against an Old Friend. I really don't.



Update- Tiny Friend proved to be still tiny but also accomplished in the art of Putting Away Food. Success! I knew she had to be my friend for a reason. I mean...would I actually associate myself long term with someone who Doesn't Eat?! The answer to that is no. No I would not.

BUT I WILL BE FOILED ON DAY THREE

DOH! I have failed NaBloPoMo on DAY THREE! This is a new low- even for me! The darn charger was not working again yesterday and when I tried to turn on the computer last night- NOTHING. AND my trusty sidekick was not here to hold in the charger while I frantically tried to type out at least two sentences before the computer went dead. So...no post. Day three- No Post. So...no prize for NaBloPoMo...BUT I will finish the race nonetheless. Hobbling and ragged perhaps, maybe missing a toe (Horrid Day Three NaBloPoMo Toe Accident) but I will cross the line at day 30 with 29 posts. :) Or maybe 28. Or 27. Or 26.

What can I say, I keep my goals Lofty. That's how we roll over here at Very Important Blog.

I WILL NOT BE FOILDED ON DAY TWO OF NABLOPOMO

Even though my computer charger is REALLY trying to do just that. It won't stay plugged in properly so that my laptop stays charged enough for me to come up with some extremely witty and entertaining post. Instead I have to explain why I am only writing two sentences while my sidekick manually holds the charger into the power source. Sad. So...more tomorrow. Hopefully!

Bye!

EXTRA EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT IT!!

News News!

And here are our top stories for today:

A Very Important Blog is No Longer Doing Just. The. Bare. Minimum.: Why have we upped our standards closer to the level of our favorite Pretty Boy Brian? It's time for National Blog Posting Month that's why! I have officially signed up for NaBloPoMo which means that I will attempt to post something (anything!) each day during the month of November. Including weekends! I am hoping this will rejuvenate my Fast Becoming Boring and Stagnant and Not Very Important Blog into something resembling its Mildly Amusing But Still Not Very Important Former Self.

With any luck this will provide my Loyal Fan Base (wait a minute...what are those crickets doing in here...and is that a tumbleweed?) with something to read each day. I can't promise Quantity and I certainly can't promise Quality, but DAGNABBIT (I'm going with the whole tumbleweed/old west ghost town imagery here- work with me) I will provide you with SOMETHING.

New Domain Name- I started this blog to kind of well...make fun of blogs...but I quickly realized that it's FUN! There I said it- BLOGGING IS FUN! WHEE!!! Ahem...so anyway, when I started I used 'antiblogger' in my original domain name. However, after realizing that well...I have a Real Blog and therefore...am a Real Blogger- the ANTI didn't fit so much. And it was clunky and hard to remember. And it was starting to annoy me every time I saw it sitting there all smug at the top of my screen. So...I have a new one! The new and improved (and entirely truthful and completely un-ironic) domain name for this A Very Important Blog is...(drum roll please)....www.hopev.com.

See! How simple and easy to remember is that?! Blogger will be rerouting everybody who types in the old one to the new one, but if you want to drop the Old Clunky One and save this New and Improved One under your 'Favorites' we here at the Very Important Blog would like to encourage that. And you do want your Blogs to express themselves don't you?

Good.

We'd also like Our Readers (again with the crickets...where are they coming from?) to start wearing more Flair while checking in on the Blog. So...while you Get Right On That, I am going to go find something that I can write about tomorrow.

Geez....one measly post and I'm already tired...so very tired...I'm just going to put my head down on the keyboard for just a ....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.