Wednesday, February 21, 2007


Agree to design a flyer for an event sponsored by several different committees, for you will have to make more physical changes to it than Brittany Spears' hair goes through in any given month and your "Thanks To:" at the bottom (which you were forced to include) will take up more room on the flyer than the description of the actual event making said flyer (that you spent hours trying to make visually pleasing) look UGLY and which will STILL induce complaining by those who think they were left off.

So. In short, if asked:


Friday, February 02, 2007


I hate wet feet. HATE. WET. FEET. Unless my feet are in a swimming pool, ocean, lake, or the shower- my feet should NOT be wet. Not wet from rain, not wet in Spain, not wet from a puddle, not wet from a muddle, not wet from a spill, not wet from a kill, not wet from sweat, not wet from a pet, not wet on a plane, not wet on a train, not wet in a car, not wet in a bar. My feet should NOT BE WET.

Wet feet have the definite potential to ruin my day- even what would have otherwise been a GREAT DAY. Why? Because always in the back of my mind is "Ew my feet feel gross". No matter what wonderful things happen that day...the refrain of "Ew my feet feel gross" is plastered across those wonderful events like a water mark (pun intended).

So why did I decide to provide you with this worthless (and semi disgusting) information about myself TODAY? Why am I gracing your mind with the image of my nasty slimy feet sitting under my desk making me grumpy TODAY? WHY?

Because THEY ARE.

Darn these too thick- but so cute! Argyle!- socks stuffed into shoes that- although also extremely cute- have NO ventilation. (As a result I'm sure...of being made of pleather and purchased at Target, but that's beside the point). It's only 11:30 and I have 5 more hours of nasty slimy feeling feet under the desk. It is NOT hot in my office. There should not be sweat ANYWHERE!


Thursday, February 01, 2007


The following is a list of words I have come across a lot lately and have had quite enough of. This is just installment one because I want to break it up into categories as not to overwhelm. Installment one deals with vocabulary relating to children. Now, its no secret that I don't really LIKE children (I think they're cute from a far. From VERY a far) so, perhaps I'm biased, but I know that I'm not alone in a few of these...even among those who have spawn of their own.

Baby Bump - Seriously? Could we PLEASE stop hearing this word? The celeb "Bump Watch" is making me want to vomit. (Sometimes...people just have a pooch there in the lower abdomen area! It doesn't mean your preggers, cause if it did, I've been pregs for 20 years now.)

Playdate - What happened to just "we met up and our kids happened to be there" OR "our kids met up to play" OR JUST "We got together"? Why the special word? It just adds to the many words/phrases that make parents seem like they lost all normal word function once their egg hatched.

Mommy Wars - No one is EVER going to come to a consensus on who's a bad mother/good mother based on breast feeding vs. formula, working vs. staying home, etc etc etc, so lets stop with the "mommy wars." Look, if you don't lock your kids up in the basement and systematically torture them- you're doing all right. Do you feed them something? Ok then. (And could we find a less irritating phrase than "mommy wars"? No one over the age of 7 should be using the word "mommy.")

And lastly, a phrase used often within "mommy war" diatribe:

Breast is Best - It rhymes. One of the words is breast. Another of the words rhymes with breast. The only other word involved is "is". Enough said.