IT'S OVER! IT'S FINALLY OVER!

Today is November 30 which means....NABLOPOMO is at an end! WOOHOO! Ring the bells! Sound the retreat!

Why the excitement you say? Why should I be excited about something I most certainly half-assed anyway? Why? WHY?!

Because even though I half-assed (and that's...literally half-assed...I don't think I posted even HALF of 30 posts during the month of November) it still caused me stress and anxiety when I would occasionally remember that I was supposed to be participating- reminding me that I was not even TRYING to make an effort. And that for every day that I was not posting- not even TRYING to post- after saying that I would at least try- I was FAILING.

But...then I thought, you know...instead of feeling like a Failure, I should feel like a Success! Because I am being a Success at Failing! And I should rejoice that I am proving to myself and others that I have not become Someone I'm Not. Someone that "wins" or "puts forth a lot of effort" or "gives a crap". I am, as I have always been and hopefully will always be, a Quitter.

I Procrastinate ("I can't post now! My hair needs to be checked thoroughly for split ends!" or "I can't post now! My shoe laces are in obvious need of being unlaced and then laced again!"). I Make Excuses ("Uh...my charger broke...causing me to lose so much momentum that I just can not possibly be expected to pick back up in two hours when my laptop finishes recharging. I just can not possibly recover from that kind of a set back. Honestly.")

And when it comes down to it, I'm just plain Lazy. Why post when you could...uh...not post?

Yes my friends, I am a Quitter. I don't "persevere" when "faced with obstacles". I don't "try harder" when "experiencing minor setbacks".

I never have. Some might say that makes me a "slacker" or an "underachiever". Someone who's "going nowhere". But you know what I say? I say it makes me "consistent".

So I may be a Quitter, but I'm always a quitter. No surprises here. Nope. Not a one. What I have not accomplished today I will not have accomplished tomorrow. Or a week from now. Or when I'm 60.

You can have your "goals" and your "satisfaction at a job well done".

When you're old and worn out and tired of carrying around the burden of your many achievements, you can leave your penthouse, sell your personal jet, and come hang out with me. You'll be able to find me. Just look around. I'll be the one smiling, with my feet up...

...livin' in that van down by the river.

BECAUSE I AM THE MOST WORTHLESS EMPLOYEE EVER TO WANDER THE EARTH...

....THIS was the only worthwhile thing I accomplished in the 8 hours I've been sitting at my desk today:

But look how cute! It was a picture just begging to be LOLCAT-ed.

(Click on the picture to go make one of your own!)

DOES ORANGE MAKE MY SINKS LOOK FAT?

Lately I've noticed that two workplace bathrooms consistently smell like Skittles.

Before that I discovered Smarties loitering about the bathroom floor.

The next logical step would be arriving to find Oompa Loompas cleaning the toilets.

I shall keep watch for them.

I'll let you know when they arrive.

.

SHARK BREAK!

This thing is way fun- and it actually IS relaxing seeing the little Shark or Orca follow your cursor around. The Shark is more graceful and therefore more relaxing, but the Orca is more fun cause it's FAT. You can change the Creature and Scenery by clicking on the pictures above and to the left. Enjoy yet another way to slack off and not do what you're presumably being paid to do right now! :)





http://www.sharkbreak.com/

I EAT. THEREFORE I AM.

So...I'm going to dinner tonight with a friend I haven't seen in a long time- but who at one point was a Very Good Friend. I am excited to see her. HOWEVER, I am filled with apprehension about one aspect of the reunion.

This friend is one of those Tiny People. TINY. Now, I have no problem with Tiny People as long as the Tiny Person in question can put away some chow like a champ. Because I can put away some chow like a champ. I am a Food Queen. Anything daring to refer to itself as Entertainment should have food involved- and I have trained myself in Food Stamina and Endurance accordingly throughout my life time. When I go out to eat, I EAT. And I don't like to go out with those who don't, cause what fun is that? Not fun at all, I tell you. It's like trying to get excited about the Crate and Barrel Holiday Inventory (very excited!) with a 19 Year Old Frat Boy- it just doesn't work. You have nothing in common.

Soooo....the problem is that I can't remember (we haven't hung out in almost 6 years) whether this is one of those Tiny People who stays tiny due to Freakishly Wicked Metabolism or one of those Tiny People who stays tiny due to the fact that she Just Doesn't Eat. Its a concern, for we're going to this Mexican restaurant where I am planning to, not only gorge myself on chips as soon as I arrive, but also order something Totally Disgusting And Hopefully Smothered In Cheese.

So...if she's one of those Just Doesn't Eat People- it will ruin my evening of Friendship Rekindling and Gluttony- and I don't want to have that severe a grievence against an Old Friend. I really don't.



Update- Tiny Friend proved to be still tiny but also accomplished in the art of Putting Away Food. Success! I knew she had to be my friend for a reason. I mean...would I actually associate myself long term with someone who Doesn't Eat?! The answer to that is no. No I would not.

I WILL NOT BE FOILDED ON DAY TWO OF NABLOPOMO

Even though my computer charger is REALLY trying to do just that. It won't stay plugged in properly so that my laptop stays charged enough for me to come up with some extremely witty and entertaining post. Instead I have to explain why I am only writing two sentences while my sidekick manually holds the charger into the power source. Sad. So...more tomorrow. Hopefully!

Bye!

EXTRA EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT IT!!

News News!

And here are our top stories for today:

A Very Important Blog is No Longer Doing Just. The. Bare. Minimum.: Why have we upped our standards closer to the level of our favorite Pretty Boy Brian? It's time for National Blog Posting Month that's why! I have officially signed up for NaBloPoMo which means that I will attempt to post something (anything!) each day during the month of November. Including weekends! I am hoping this will rejuvenate my Fast Becoming Boring and Stagnant and Not Very Important Blog into something resembling its Mildly Amusing But Still Not Very Important Former Self.

With any luck this will provide my Loyal Fan Base (wait a minute...what are those crickets doing in here...and is that a tumbleweed?) with something to read each day. I can't promise Quantity and I certainly can't promise Quality, but DAGNABBIT (I'm going with the whole tumbleweed/old west ghost town imagery here- work with me) I will provide you with SOMETHING.

New Domain Name- I started this blog to kind of well...make fun of blogs...but I quickly realized that it's FUN! There I said it- BLOGGING IS FUN! WHEE!!! Ahem...so anyway, when I started I used 'antiblogger' in my original domain name. However, after realizing that well...I have a Real Blog and therefore...am a Real Blogger- the ANTI didn't fit so much. And it was clunky and hard to remember. And it was starting to annoy me every time I saw it sitting there all smug at the top of my screen. So...I have a new one! The new and improved (and entirely truthful and completely un-ironic) domain name for this A Very Important Blog is...(drum roll please)....www.hopev.com.

See! How simple and easy to remember is that?! Blogger will be rerouting everybody who types in the old one to the new one, but if you want to drop the Old Clunky One and save this New and Improved One under your 'Favorites' we here at the Very Important Blog would like to encourage that. And you do want your Blogs to express themselves don't you?

Good.

We'd also like Our Readers (again with the crickets...where are they coming from?) to start wearing more Flair while checking in on the Blog. So...while you Get Right On That, I am going to go find something that I can write about tomorrow.

Geez....one measly post and I'm already tired...so very tired...I'm just going to put my head down on the keyboard for just a ....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.