HAIR CRIMES

In my glorious state, candidates are gearing up for the state elections in November. After the primary election of last month, we are left with two candidates for Governor of My Glorious State. One candidate is the current governor running for reelection- and he is the candidate I wish to discuss in this blog. I do not believe that the current Governor should be reelected on account of the fact that he has committed serious crimes. We're talking Hair Crimes people. Hair Crimes.

The dude has bad hair. Horrible hair. And this hair has been assaulting us on television commercials and during public appearances for four years now. Do we really want four more years of BAD HAIR? I'll elaborate because I'm sure that some of you have no idea the extent of the Hair Atrocities that have been committed by the current Governor of My Glorious State.

A) It looks like a helmet. Not just because its stiff and unmoving, even in high winds...but because it literally...Looks. Like. A helmet. As in, the football variety.
B) He has as Lucy would say "a suspicious lack of sideburns." If the dude has hair as thick as the helmet he has going on the top...that hair should continue down into some fairly sizable (or at least visible) sideburns. It doesn't. They just aren't there.
C) This hair causes him to look (also as Lucy would say) "overall turtle-like." Do we want a Turtle Man running the state of Maryland? I don't think so.

If a person can't keep his hair looking Presentable (or at least Not Hideous), how can we expect him to keep his state looking Presentable? How!? I'll tell you. WE CAN'T.

We're talking the worst kind of Hair Crimes here. Worst kind. And the tragedy of it all is that he's not even sorry. Not even a little bit! Here he is committing Hair Crimes in full view of the public every day and he hasn't even had the sheer decency to issue an apology to us citizens. Is this the kind of person you want running the state? IS IT?!

So please...if you are a citizen of My Glorious State (you know who you are!), and you are going to the polls to vote next month (AS YOU SHOULD!) don't vote for someone who has committed Hair Crimes. It's not good for Our Glorious State, and it's not good for the country.