WAY CUTE OR PASS THE AIRSICK BAG?

Am I being a curmudgeon or is the sight of a couple high-fiving while in line at the supermarket totally vomit worthy?

Please let me know so I can adjust my viewpoint accordingly.

DOES ORANGE MAKE MY SINKS LOOK FAT?

Lately I've noticed that two workplace bathrooms consistently smell like Skittles.

Before that I discovered Smarties loitering about the bathroom floor.

The next logical step would be arriving to find Oompa Loompas cleaning the toilets.

I shall keep watch for them.

I'll let you know when they arrive.

.

MORE INDICATION OF THE HIGH CLASS NATURE OF THE VERY IMPORTANT BLOG:

Checking SiteMeter for the Google Searches that lead people to this blog has become my new favorite hobby (yes, I will give you No Life and raise you Bored As Hell). I listed three in the below post, but since then there have been so many more- ALL of which indicate the level of class in which this Very Important Blog happens to fall- so I wanted to list them here for your own enjoyment:

a. Slimy feet
(Yup, I feel ya there. Slimy feet are the WORST)

b. Eye poking nipples
("poking nipples" seems to be a common theme- see Exhibit G and previous post- but eye poking nipples is an interesting variation on this theme)

c. Fart fungi odor (I got nothing for this one...sorry about your fart problem.)

d. Foofaraw skin
(What? How do these two words go together?)

e. Bug things in the 1980s
(My personal favorite...I wonder what bug thing this person was trying to find...any ideas?)

f. Everyone is of equal importance
(Wait...how did this get in here? It clearly doesn't fit in with the nature of this Blog.)

g. Poking nipples blog
(Again with the poking nipples...)

h. Bump proof lock blog posts
(What's a bump proof lock and why would someone blog about it?)

I was looking through all of these with my boyfriend, who thought it was hilarious that all these bizarre and often disgusting-"fart fungi odor" is a perfect example- searches were linked to my blog (sure buddy laugh it up...where's YOUR blog? Oh wait, you don't have one because you happen to have a fulfilling and important career as a scientist studying cancer and have no need for such frivolous time wasting. Right...I forgot. My mistake...Sigh...I hate when people are doing meaningful things with their lives...) But ANYWAY, I digress, he thought the funniest one was the person who was looking up:

"reasons for facial tics"

Some poor person was looking up reasons for why they have some horrid facial tic and they got linked here. Needless to say, they didn't stick around long. I suppose that reading all about Hope's disdain for wet feet and the Communist Leanings of Local Squirrels isn't top priority when one is dealing with involuntary facial spasms... Poor soul. I hope they have found relief from their tic.

STEVEN TYLER* OR GOLLUM?

You decide.

*I love Mr. Tyler and wish him no emotional harm due to this post. It's ok Steven, it was just an unflattering moment caught in freeze frame. We know you can still rock the mic AND the leather pants.

THE INTERNET FUELS HYPOCHONDRIA

The internet is a horrible device for those of us with a mild case of hypochondria. I wonder if emergency rooms have seen an increase in people coming for weird illnesses they’re convinced they have due to Googling their symptoms. For example, here is an exchange that occurred between the two contributors of Very Important Blog this afternoon:

Hope: There's a website titled "All About My Vagina" and it’s at myvag.net. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Lucy: Hahaha did you see this in the back of Bitch Magazine or something? It looks like it's right up their alley, so to speak.

Hope: No when I was googling symptoms. The internet is a horrible device for hypochondriacs...

Lucy: I KNOW! This year I thought I had a neurological problem, diabetes and herpes all because of the internet.

Hope: HAHAHAHA. I thought I had the betes too back when my hands were going numb! What neurological problem did you think you had?

Lucy: I had my hand numbness, and muscle spasms at the same time. I thought I had like Parkinsons or MS or something. And then when you go a googlin', and they're like "do you pee alot? Well, it may be cancer."

Hope: HAHAHAHA or you could be pregnant.

Lucy: Maybe I'm pregnant with a fetus with a neurological condition!

Hope: WITH CANCER!

Terrible. Just terrible. :)