I WILL WEAR IT PROUDLY UNTIL THE END OF TIME
It is amazingly gross here on the East Coast. Chilly, with added bonus of Rain, Flooding, and Overabundance of Office Air-conditioning. But you know what? It did not ruin my day. How you ask? How did the weather not ruin the day of someone whose day is already somewhat ruined by Having To Work in the First Place?
Well Gentle Readers, my day was saved by the greatest rainy day invention of all time:
The Swobe.
I keep one stashed in my office for the very times of which we speak, and today…I have to say…the Swobe Saved the Day. Just slap a big S on the back of said swobe and call it Super Swobe. Swobe the Magnificent. Queen Swobe. Swobe the Swell. Long live the Swobe!
Long. Live. The. Swobe.
Showing posts with label Awesome Stuff. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Awesome Stuff. Show all posts
Monday, May 12, 2008
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
HOW 80’s AND EARLY 90’s POP CULTURE, LIKE, TOTALLY SAVED THE DAY:
Here’s how my morning started:
Here’s how my morning started:
- Got up a half hour early to go to the bank.
- Left my house in the rain.
- Realized 10 minutes after leaving my house that my feet were already Wet, Slimy, and Cold.
- Completed the 30 Minute That Should Only Have Been 10 But People Suck At Driving trip to the bank only to find…the bank is CLOSED. Apparently THAT branch doesn’t open until 12pm. Stupid branch. Stupid bank.
- Began the drive back to work- already late due to my totally wasted effort.
Crappy start to an Already Crappy Because I Have to Go To Work Again Day, no? Oui, I thought so too.
BUT. BUT…this day has since been rescued! Yes, I realize I should probably be embarrassed by what I’m about to tell you, but hey…I work at a boring job where I am chained to my desk for 8 hours a day…it doesn’t take much to Cause Unwarranted Excitement and Overall Glee.
SO. I know you’re dying to know what caused such glee.
FIRST. On the rainy, dreary, feet are still wet drive back I heard…(on a supposedly normal radio station-I have since reevaluated said station)…THE SPICE GIRLS.
And not their latest Attempt at a Comeback which I’m trying very hard to ignore (I mean, seriously…do they really think they can bring back the Girl Power? They’re all, like, MOMS n’ stuff. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a mom…and they’re still hot- I should be so lucky- but its just…not the same.) No, no, this was an oldie. And oh yes, I sang along.
“Tell me what you want what you really really want. I’ll TELL you what I want what I really really want…Everybody’s down and wine is all around!”
If those aren’t some quality lyrics, I don’t know what are!
(Cue feelings of Shame and Embarrassment for ignoring the Don’t Do That Alarm in my brain and actually typing those lyrics out.)
SECOND. I found out that there are THREE (count em’ three!) blogs devoted solely to 80’s Tween Lit.
- The Dairi Burger- Recaps the old Sweet Valley High books with added commentary. AWESOME. I read all of them, and it’s totally fun to look back and see them lovingly broken down by Each Individual Ridiculous Element.
- BSC Headquarters- Much like The Dairy Burger, except this blog critiques the Babysitters Club. ALSO AWESOME. I read all these books as well. (And yes, I was a Total Geek growing up, thank you.)
- What Claudia Wore- Chronicles the ‘Artsy and, Like, Totally Fashion Forward’ style of Claudia Kishi- also Babysitters Club if for some like, totally, unacceptable reason you didn’t already know that. Posts are broken down Outfit by- what was she thinking?!- Outfit.
So…let's summarize:
The Spice Girls, Sweet Valley High, AND the Babysitters Club.
AND ALL BEFORE LUNCHTIME!
My day is complete. Even my slimy feet couldn’t bring me down off this Hot Pink Eighties cloud. Throw in the Goonies and I’d probably pee my pants.
Thanks to Feministing for the tip!
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
SHARK BREAK!
This thing is way fun- and it actually IS relaxing seeing the little Shark or Orca follow your cursor around. The Shark is more graceful and therefore more relaxing, but the Orca is more fun cause it's FAT. You can change the Creature and Scenery by clicking on the pictures above and to the left. Enjoy yet another way to slack off and not do what you're presumably being paid to do right now! :)
http://www.sharkbreak.com/
This thing is way fun- and it actually IS relaxing seeing the little Shark or Orca follow your cursor around. The Shark is more graceful and therefore more relaxing, but the Orca is more fun cause it's FAT. You can change the Creature and Scenery by clicking on the pictures above and to the left. Enjoy yet another way to slack off and not do what you're presumably being paid to do right now! :)
http://www.sharkbreak.com/
Friday, August 17, 2007
RABID RODENTS DO NOT A HAPPY SWIMMING HOLE MAKE
Last night, as I sat in my cave, watching the news on the magic box, I...
...ok, ok...FINE....I wasn't watching the news. Everybody knows I don't watch the news, nor do I read the news PAPER. (Couldn't just leave it alone and let me tell my story could you? Had to call me out for never watching anything with more substance than Entertainment Tonight didn't you!? Sheesh. Blog readers these days...)
Anyway...I was watching My Name is Earl (happy now?!) and during the commercial break, they reviewed the headlines that would be airing on News at 11. In said highlights, they covered one of the funniest news stories I've heard in a long time. The news anchor reported that in a Baltimore area park, three people were attacked by...
...wait for it...
A RABID BEAVER.
Wait...what?! A rabid what? First, being the extremely immature human being that I am, I had to do a little Beevis and Butt Head inspired chuckling at the word beaver. ("Huh huh...she said beaver".) But even when one's mind is not totally residing in the gutter, the fact that people were attacked by a rabid beaver is still REALLY FUNNY. (Yes, probably not to the people who were attacked, but we're not concerning ourselves with them at the moment.)
I mean picture it...people pack a picnic lunch and drive to the reservoir with hopes high and visions of sparkling swimming holes dancing in their heads. They relax, maybe eat a little something, then slip into the water for some good ol' fashioned aquatic fun.
Then, out of nowhere...cue Jaws music....NOW!...Duh duh....duh duh....duh duh...stealthily making it's way towards the happy group comes...duh duh...duh duh...DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH RABID BEAVER! Screams of terror ensue as Rabid Beaver, Monty Python style, latches onto the throat of one of the unsuspecting swimmers, sending the rest into a panic.
Terrifying, yet oddly hilarious, no?
I'm sure that when describing the scene in years to come, the victims- when confronted with the ill concealed snickers of their audience- will say something like:
Well, that was no ordinary beaver! That was the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered marmot you ever set eyes on! Look, that beaver had a vicious streak a mile wide! It was a killer! He had huge, sharp-- eh-- he can swim about-- look at the bones!
And their audience will nod indulgently and poor Rabid Beaver Victim, realizing that his or her attempts at drama are futile, will slink away to join the other remaining Beaver Victims at the bar to reminisce about that sunny day at the park where they all were attacked by the very real, very alive...
Rabid Beaver of Loch Raven Reservoir.
Last night, as I sat in my cave, watching the news on the magic box, I...
...ok, ok...FINE....I wasn't watching the news. Everybody knows I don't watch the news, nor do I read the news PAPER. (Couldn't just leave it alone and let me tell my story could you? Had to call me out for never watching anything with more substance than Entertainment Tonight didn't you!? Sheesh. Blog readers these days...)
Anyway...I was watching My Name is Earl (happy now?!) and during the commercial break, they reviewed the headlines that would be airing on News at 11. In said highlights, they covered one of the funniest news stories I've heard in a long time. The news anchor reported that in a Baltimore area park, three people were attacked by...
...wait for it...
A RABID BEAVER.
Wait...what?! A rabid what? First, being the extremely immature human being that I am, I had to do a little Beevis and Butt Head inspired chuckling at the word beaver. ("Huh huh...she said beaver".) But even when one's mind is not totally residing in the gutter, the fact that people were attacked by a rabid beaver is still REALLY FUNNY. (Yes, probably not to the people who were attacked, but we're not concerning ourselves with them at the moment.)
I mean picture it...people pack a picnic lunch and drive to the reservoir with hopes high and visions of sparkling swimming holes dancing in their heads. They relax, maybe eat a little something, then slip into the water for some good ol' fashioned aquatic fun.
Then, out of nowhere...cue Jaws music....NOW!...Duh duh....duh duh....duh duh...stealthily making it's way towards the happy group comes...duh duh...duh duh...DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH RABID BEAVER! Screams of terror ensue as Rabid Beaver, Monty Python style, latches onto the throat of one of the unsuspecting swimmers, sending the rest into a panic.
Terrifying, yet oddly hilarious, no?
I'm sure that when describing the scene in years to come, the victims- when confronted with the ill concealed snickers of their audience- will say something like:
Well, that was no ordinary beaver! That was the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered marmot you ever set eyes on! Look, that beaver had a vicious streak a mile wide! It was a killer! He had huge, sharp-- eh-- he can swim about-- look at the bones!
And their audience will nod indulgently and poor Rabid Beaver Victim, realizing that his or her attempts at drama are futile, will slink away to join the other remaining Beaver Victims at the bar to reminisce about that sunny day at the park where they all were attacked by the very real, very alive...
Rabid Beaver of Loch Raven Reservoir.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
BY GOLLY, BRAIN’S BACK!
Yes, dear friends, Brain is back and has shed the unflattering, yet previously apt, monikers of Crotchety and Old. Brain, although not un-crotchety enough to warrant being called Young and Perky, has at least upgraded to Grumpy. Which is an improvement!
What has Brain been up to in the last few months you ask? Well, my cherished readers, it’s been a harrowing couple of months for Brain I’ll tell you that. We last left Brain teetering precariously close to The Cliffs of Deadbeat. Brain had stopped producing ideas and was lounging around Skull’s property with no regard to rent or payment of any kind- and as you remember, Skull was through with such nonsense! The eviction notice went up and Skull waited for payment. And waited. And waited. (Skull is a Slum Lord yes, but Skull does have some compassion, and Skull gave Brain much longer than most Slum Lords would have to pay up.)
But alas, Ideas never came, and Skull remained unpaid. So Skull did what any self respecting Skull Lord would do and threw Brain’s belongings (there weren’t many) out on the sidewalk.
Well!
You’d think Brain would have straightened up and flown right so to speak, after all, Brain was homeless! But no, my friends, Brain became content...that's right... living in a van, down by the river. And what was worse, Brain even resorted to using the paper that used to serve as Idea Collectors for nothing but rollin’ doobies!
Sigh. Where was Chris Farley when Brain needed him? Brain clearly needed a good talkin' to.
Anyhow, Brain lived the Van Life for awhile, and enjoyed it thoroughly (‘who needs a Skull anyway”), but quickly ran out of paper for doobie rollin’ and that’s when life got hard. Eventually, Brain was even forced out of the van when Repo Man came to collect Past Due Van Payments. After that, Brain found that living in a VAN down by the river is fun, but just living down by the river is a drag.
So Brain dragged Brainself out of the proverbial Gutter, and scrounged together Some Ideas. After a few practice runs, Brain got back into the swing of things and it wasn’t long before Brain was able to use Brain’s Considerable Wit and Dashing Good Looks to charm the way back into Skull Village. (Skull’s a sucker for Considerable Wit and Dashing Good Looks.)
So in conclusion, Brain is back, but Brain knows that if Brain slacks on Ideas again, that Skull won’t be so forgiving. After all- Hell Hath No Fury Like a Skull Scorned.
So Brain, don’t go get all lazy and rest on the laurels of this one lousy post ya’ deadbeat. Are you listening to me, Brain?! Brain!!!
Future Laziness will Not Be Tolerated.
Yes, dear friends, Brain is back and has shed the unflattering, yet previously apt, monikers of Crotchety and Old. Brain, although not un-crotchety enough to warrant being called Young and Perky, has at least upgraded to Grumpy. Which is an improvement!
What has Brain been up to in the last few months you ask? Well, my cherished readers, it’s been a harrowing couple of months for Brain I’ll tell you that. We last left Brain teetering precariously close to The Cliffs of Deadbeat. Brain had stopped producing ideas and was lounging around Skull’s property with no regard to rent or payment of any kind- and as you remember, Skull was through with such nonsense! The eviction notice went up and Skull waited for payment. And waited. And waited. (Skull is a Slum Lord yes, but Skull does have some compassion, and Skull gave Brain much longer than most Slum Lords would have to pay up.)
But alas, Ideas never came, and Skull remained unpaid. So Skull did what any self respecting Skull Lord would do and threw Brain’s belongings (there weren’t many) out on the sidewalk.
Well!
You’d think Brain would have straightened up and flown right so to speak, after all, Brain was homeless! But no, my friends, Brain became content...that's right... living in a van, down by the river. And what was worse, Brain even resorted to using the paper that used to serve as Idea Collectors for nothing but rollin’ doobies!
Sigh. Where was Chris Farley when Brain needed him? Brain clearly needed a good talkin' to.
Anyhow, Brain lived the Van Life for awhile, and enjoyed it thoroughly (‘who needs a Skull anyway”), but quickly ran out of paper for doobie rollin’ and that’s when life got hard. Eventually, Brain was even forced out of the van when Repo Man came to collect Past Due Van Payments. After that, Brain found that living in a VAN down by the river is fun, but just living down by the river is a drag.
So Brain dragged Brainself out of the proverbial Gutter, and scrounged together Some Ideas. After a few practice runs, Brain got back into the swing of things and it wasn’t long before Brain was able to use Brain’s Considerable Wit and Dashing Good Looks to charm the way back into Skull Village. (Skull’s a sucker for Considerable Wit and Dashing Good Looks.)
So in conclusion, Brain is back, but Brain knows that if Brain slacks on Ideas again, that Skull won’t be so forgiving. After all- Hell Hath No Fury Like a Skull Scorned.
So Brain, don’t go get all lazy and rest on the laurels of this one lousy post ya’ deadbeat. Are you listening to me, Brain?! Brain!!!
Future Laziness will Not Be Tolerated.
Monday, April 16, 2007
MORE INDICATION OF THE HIGH CLASS NATURE OF THE VERY IMPORTANT BLOG:
Checking SiteMeter for the Google Searches that lead people to this blog has become my new favorite hobby (yes, I will give you No Life and raise you Bored As Hell). I listed three in the below post, but since then there have been so many more- ALL of which indicate the level of class in which this Very Important Blog happens to fall- so I wanted to list them here for your own enjoyment:
a. Slimy feet
(Yup, I feel ya there. Slimy feet are the WORST)
b. Eye poking nipples
("poking nipples" seems to be a common theme- see Exhibit G and previous post- but eye poking nipples is an interesting variation on this theme)
c. Fart fungi odor (I got nothing for this one...sorry about your fart problem.)
d. Foofaraw skin
(What? How do these two words go together?)
e. Bug things in the 1980s
(My personal favorite...I wonder what bug thing this person was trying to find...any ideas?)
f. Everyone is of equal importance
(Wait...how did this get in here? It clearly doesn't fit in with the nature of this Blog.)
g. Poking nipples blog
(Again with the poking nipples...)
h. Bump proof lock blog posts
(What's a bump proof lock and why would someone blog about it?)
I was looking through all of these with my boyfriend, who thought it was hilarious that all these bizarre and often disgusting-"fart fungi odor" is a perfect example- searches were linked to my blog (sure buddy laugh it up...where's YOUR blog? Oh wait, you don't have one because you happen to have a fulfilling and important career as a scientist studying cancer and have no need for such frivolous time wasting. Right...I forgot. My mistake...Sigh...I hate when people are doing meaningful things with their lives...) But ANYWAY, I digress, he thought the funniest one was the person who was looking up:
"reasons for facial tics"
Some poor person was looking up reasons for why they have some horrid facial tic and they got linked here. Needless to say, they didn't stick around long. I suppose that reading all about Hope's disdain for wet feet and the Communist Leanings of Local Squirrels isn't top priority when one is dealing with involuntary facial spasms... Poor soul. I hope they have found relief from their tic.
Checking SiteMeter for the Google Searches that lead people to this blog has become my new favorite hobby (yes, I will give you No Life and raise you Bored As Hell). I listed three in the below post, but since then there have been so many more- ALL of which indicate the level of class in which this Very Important Blog happens to fall- so I wanted to list them here for your own enjoyment:
a. Slimy feet
(Yup, I feel ya there. Slimy feet are the WORST)
b. Eye poking nipples
("poking nipples" seems to be a common theme- see Exhibit G and previous post- but eye poking nipples is an interesting variation on this theme)
c. Fart fungi odor (I got nothing for this one...sorry about your fart problem.)
d. Foofaraw skin
(What? How do these two words go together?)
e. Bug things in the 1980s
(My personal favorite...I wonder what bug thing this person was trying to find...any ideas?)
f. Everyone is of equal importance
(Wait...how did this get in here? It clearly doesn't fit in with the nature of this Blog.)
g. Poking nipples blog
(Again with the poking nipples...)
h. Bump proof lock blog posts
(What's a bump proof lock and why would someone blog about it?)
I was looking through all of these with my boyfriend, who thought it was hilarious that all these bizarre and often disgusting-"fart fungi odor" is a perfect example- searches were linked to my blog (sure buddy laugh it up...where's YOUR blog? Oh wait, you don't have one because you happen to have a fulfilling and important career as a scientist studying cancer and have no need for such frivolous time wasting. Right...I forgot. My mistake...Sigh...I hate when people are doing meaningful things with their lives...) But ANYWAY, I digress, he thought the funniest one was the person who was looking up:
"reasons for facial tics"
Some poor person was looking up reasons for why they have some horrid facial tic and they got linked here. Needless to say, they didn't stick around long. I suppose that reading all about Hope's disdain for wet feet and the Communist Leanings of Local Squirrels isn't top priority when one is dealing with involuntary facial spasms... Poor soul. I hope they have found relief from their tic.
Monday, April 02, 2007
ASS IS JUST TWO LETTERS SHORT OF CLASS
I was doing an inquiry about who reads my blog (answer: almost no one) and where they come from (answer: pretty much no where) and apparently, several people in the last few days (several = three) have stumbled upon my blog while doing google blog searches.The things they were searching for speak for themselves as to the quality and intellectual nature of this here Very Important Blog. These things being:
They indicate that this blog has CLASS.
*I can only assume they meant TICKS- as in the blood sucking bug things
I was doing an inquiry about who reads my blog (answer: almost no one) and where they come from (answer: pretty much no where) and apparently, several people in the last few days (several = three) have stumbled upon my blog while doing google blog searches.The things they were searching for speak for themselves as to the quality and intellectual nature of this here Very Important Blog. These things being:
- "Rash from Tics"*
- "Constant Smell of Farts"
And my personal favorite:
- "Poking Nipples"
They indicate that this blog has CLASS.
*I can only assume they meant TICKS- as in the blood sucking bug things
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Friday, March 02, 2007
THE SUN WILL COME OUT TOMORROW
But NOT tomorrow! TODAY! The sun has come out TODAY! Why? Because I have WINSTON! (See post below). I actually think Winston has the power to control the sun. Why you say? What proof do I have?
Oh you doubting Thomases...
BECAUSE...the second I finished writing that post about how Winston has become the figurative Rainbow in my Dreary February Life...the sun ACTUALLY came out. The actual sun physically came out. RIGHT THEN!
WHAT MORE PROOF DO YOU NEED?
Winston is magic.
But NOT tomorrow! TODAY! The sun has come out TODAY! Why? Because I have WINSTON! (See post below). I actually think Winston has the power to control the sun. Why you say? What proof do I have?
Oh you doubting Thomases...
BECAUSE...the second I finished writing that post about how Winston has become the figurative Rainbow in my Dreary February Life...the sun ACTUALLY came out. The actual sun physically came out. RIGHT THEN!
WHAT MORE PROOF DO YOU NEED?
Winston is magic.
AND THEN IT WAS MARCH
February is the blahist month ever.
In February's defense, its not really February's FAULT...its nothing having to do with the personality of February, I'm sure that February is a very nice and intelligent month...and its not February's FAULT that it happens to occur in the United States during the yuckiest time of year. That blah time when everyone is sick of winter but its not spring yet and the weather just can't ever get it right. So, don't worry Februrary, I'm sure that someone loves you- probably someone in the southern hemisphere where its summer- but...much as I hate to say it to your face...that someone is not me. And, just as the styles of the 1980's overstepped their boundaries and coated the Early 90's with Aqua Net- the Ick of Februrary tends to ooze right over the line and infect March too.
That being said, imagine my joy- my utter GLEE!- at finding a rainbow shining through the rainy, muddy CRAP that is March 2.
Was it a real rainbow you ask? Shining through the clouds as I drove to work today? No. Don't be silly. That wouldn't cause GLEE! - Wonder and Awe perhaps- but not GLEE!
No, my friends, the visual image that caused my day, month, week, and most likely even YEAR to brighten like Courtney Love's unfortunate gold lame frock was:
WINSTON.
I highly recommend FourFour in general, I check in daily and it rarely fails to amuse, but the real gem within the Witty Words of Wisdom and Whimsy is Winston the Cat. And the series of pictures posted today is the Shiny Gold Star upon the Winston Christmas Tree.
Do go and see. Go pay homage to the Point of Light within this blah February/March season. Won't you? Won't you go and and see? It'll change your life.
I GARE-ON-TEE.
February is the blahist month ever.
In February's defense, its not really February's FAULT...its nothing having to do with the personality of February, I'm sure that February is a very nice and intelligent month...and its not February's FAULT that it happens to occur in the United States during the yuckiest time of year. That blah time when everyone is sick of winter but its not spring yet and the weather just can't ever get it right. So, don't worry Februrary, I'm sure that someone loves you- probably someone in the southern hemisphere where its summer- but...much as I hate to say it to your face...that someone is not me. And, just as the styles of the 1980's overstepped their boundaries and coated the Early 90's with Aqua Net- the Ick of Februrary tends to ooze right over the line and infect March too.
That being said, imagine my joy- my utter GLEE!- at finding a rainbow shining through the rainy, muddy CRAP that is March 2.
Was it a real rainbow you ask? Shining through the clouds as I drove to work today? No. Don't be silly. That wouldn't cause GLEE! - Wonder and Awe perhaps- but not GLEE!
No, my friends, the visual image that caused my day, month, week, and most likely even YEAR to brighten like Courtney Love's unfortunate gold lame frock was:
WINSTON.
I highly recommend FourFour in general, I check in daily and it rarely fails to amuse, but the real gem within the Witty Words of Wisdom and Whimsy is Winston the Cat. And the series of pictures posted today is the Shiny Gold Star upon the Winston Christmas Tree.
Do go and see. Go pay homage to the Point of Light within this blah February/March season. Won't you? Won't you go and and see? It'll change your life.
I GARE-ON-TEE.
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