WAY CUTE OR PASS THE AIRSICK BAG?
Am I being a curmudgeon or is the sight of a couple high-fiving while in line at the supermarket totally vomit worthy?
Please let me know so I can adjust my viewpoint accordingly.
Showing posts with label People are Stupid. Show all posts
Showing posts with label People are Stupid. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
I'LL HAVE THE PORTOBELLO MUSHROOM ON FOCCHACIA WITH A SIDE OF DOUCHBAG
In the city where I live, there are several places that I frequent due to the atmosphere and the lack of types of people that I would rather not socialize with on my off time. Therefore, I frequent establishments that tend to cater to the Brooding Self Important Artist crowd and the Covered In Head to Toe Irony Hipster crowd. So imagine my surprise when I was seated at a favorite dining establishment (which is located in the center of the "Arts and Entertainment District" and across from the Quaintly Run Down and Slightly Grungy Indie Movie Theater) and there sitting next to me were four people who clearly...
Did Not Fit In.
The first indication that these people Were Different was that each of the males in the party (there were three) were each dressed in something Polo.
Now, a Polo shirt in and of itself, is not a crime. There is nothing wrong with them (unless the collar is flipped up which is an entirely different matter). But when the whole table is decked out in Polo, it gives off a very specific vibe...
Now, although I was surprised to see them, just their difference in appearance alone was not enough to warrant disdain. We here at the Very Important Blog are tolerant of differences in others, and if Head to Toe Polo is someone's bag, then rock on with your Polo self. No, no. The disdain came after the actions of these Polo People were observed and duly noted.
There were several offenses (I will list them below, saving the worst of which for the very last):
Misdemeanor #1: The Girl with Huge Rock was clearly Tanorexic. Disappointing, but not too serious. We'll just give her a fine.
Misdemeanor #2: The young man who happens to "Like Young Bitches" conversed at length about the country club sports he was clearly the master off. Again, irritatingly ridiculous, but not too serious. We'll give him a fine too.
Now we will move on to Felonies- which in our great system of government require trial by a jury of one's peers. I will let the jury decide their fates for the following:
Felony #1: Likes Young Bitches and Pale Yellow Polo Sweater found out they were brothers of the same frat which resulted in an elaborate display of Arguing about The Proper Execution of the Frat Handshake.
Felony #2: Likes Young Bitches and Pale Yellow Polo Sweater engage in a complicated verbal duel of "I Was More Important in the Frat When I Was There Than You Were When You Were There". This included descriptions of "Officer Robes" which were shed during sex with, I can only infer, Young Bitches; and other attempts at Frat One Upmanship.
Felony #3: The males at the table had lengthy discussions on which one of them the waitress was hot for and which one "could totally bang her" (I assure you, it was none of them).
Now, the topic of sex brings us to the most grave of offenses. Those with delicate constitutions may want to skip to the end.
(I shudder even while I type.)
Felony #4- With charges of Douchbaggery in the First Degree
Pale Yellow Polo Sweater, whenever attempting to communicate that sexual relations had occurred, or would hopefully occur, between him and a member of the opposite sex (or between a friend whose story he was relating and a member of the opposite sex)...instead of saying "had sex", "banged", "screwed", "porked", "poked", or even "fucked" would instead...
...bend his arms at the elbow making a 90 degree angle, pump them back and forth while simultaneously...
(wait for it...)
...thrusting his hips in the opposite direction.
Did this occur one time? Which was clearly, CLEARLY enough? No. No it didn't ladies and gentlemen of the jury. It occurred NO LESS than FOUR TIMES. Each time more pumps were added, so the amount of time the embarrassing display went on increased accordingly (me thinks the number of pumps were directly correlated to the number of drinks that had been consumed). Also, this action is ridiculous enough when someone is standing and has freedom of movement. Think of what it would look like if someone was seated in a chair, at a table, in a restaurant.
Seriously. I don't think I've seen anyone do that (excluding Will Farrell in Wedding Crashers- "MA! The MEAT-loaf!") since I was twelve and the people doing it were also twelve.
Do you know how utterly excruciating it was not to mock Yellow Sweater right to his face (tables were REALLY close so I was practically sitting across from him)? It was TERRIBLE. I think I should seek damages due to the emotional pain and suffering I endured by having to hold in said mockery.
So ladies and gentlemen of the jury, there you go. All accounts of the Douchbaggery that I was forced to witness on an otherwise pleasant Saturday evening.
Will you not do the right thing?
Will justice not be served?
In the city where I live, there are several places that I frequent due to the atmosphere and the lack of types of people that I would rather not socialize with on my off time. Therefore, I frequent establishments that tend to cater to the Brooding Self Important Artist crowd and the Covered In Head to Toe Irony Hipster crowd. So imagine my surprise when I was seated at a favorite dining establishment (which is located in the center of the "Arts and Entertainment District" and across from the Quaintly Run Down and Slightly Grungy Indie Movie Theater) and there sitting next to me were four people who clearly...
Did Not Fit In.
The first indication that these people Were Different was that each of the males in the party (there were three) were each dressed in something Polo.
Now, a Polo shirt in and of itself, is not a crime. There is nothing wrong with them (unless the collar is flipped up which is an entirely different matter). But when the whole table is decked out in Polo, it gives off a very specific vibe...
Now, although I was surprised to see them, just their difference in appearance alone was not enough to warrant disdain. We here at the Very Important Blog are tolerant of differences in others, and if Head to Toe Polo is someone's bag, then rock on with your Polo self. No, no. The disdain came after the actions of these Polo People were observed and duly noted.
There were several offenses (I will list them below, saving the worst of which for the very last):
Misdemeanor #1: The Girl with Huge Rock was clearly Tanorexic. Disappointing, but not too serious. We'll just give her a fine.
Misdemeanor #2: The young man who happens to "Like Young Bitches" conversed at length about the country club sports he was clearly the master off. Again, irritatingly ridiculous, but not too serious. We'll give him a fine too.
Now we will move on to Felonies- which in our great system of government require trial by a jury of one's peers. I will let the jury decide their fates for the following:
Felony #1: Likes Young Bitches and Pale Yellow Polo Sweater found out they were brothers of the same frat which resulted in an elaborate display of Arguing about The Proper Execution of the Frat Handshake.
Felony #2: Likes Young Bitches and Pale Yellow Polo Sweater engage in a complicated verbal duel of "I Was More Important in the Frat When I Was There Than You Were When You Were There". This included descriptions of "Officer Robes" which were shed during sex with, I can only infer, Young Bitches; and other attempts at Frat One Upmanship.
Felony #3: The males at the table had lengthy discussions on which one of them the waitress was hot for and which one "could totally bang her" (I assure you, it was none of them).
Now, the topic of sex brings us to the most grave of offenses. Those with delicate constitutions may want to skip to the end.
(I shudder even while I type.)
Felony #4- With charges of Douchbaggery in the First Degree
Pale Yellow Polo Sweater, whenever attempting to communicate that sexual relations had occurred, or would hopefully occur, between him and a member of the opposite sex (or between a friend whose story he was relating and a member of the opposite sex)...instead of saying "had sex", "banged", "screwed", "porked", "poked", or even "fucked" would instead...
...bend his arms at the elbow making a 90 degree angle, pump them back and forth while simultaneously...
(wait for it...)
...thrusting his hips in the opposite direction.
Did this occur one time? Which was clearly, CLEARLY enough? No. No it didn't ladies and gentlemen of the jury. It occurred NO LESS than FOUR TIMES. Each time more pumps were added, so the amount of time the embarrassing display went on increased accordingly (me thinks the number of pumps were directly correlated to the number of drinks that had been consumed). Also, this action is ridiculous enough when someone is standing and has freedom of movement. Think of what it would look like if someone was seated in a chair, at a table, in a restaurant.
Seriously. I don't think I've seen anyone do that (excluding Will Farrell in Wedding Crashers- "MA! The MEAT-loaf!") since I was twelve and the people doing it were also twelve.
Do you know how utterly excruciating it was not to mock Yellow Sweater right to his face (tables were REALLY close so I was practically sitting across from him)? It was TERRIBLE. I think I should seek damages due to the emotional pain and suffering I endured by having to hold in said mockery.
So ladies and gentlemen of the jury, there you go. All accounts of the Douchbaggery that I was forced to witness on an otherwise pleasant Saturday evening.
Will you not do the right thing?
Will justice not be served?
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
THE SHIGGS- IT'S GOIN' AROUND
Everyone has at least one of those people at their workplace that rolls their eyes and acts like you're a filthy peasant any time you dare to ask them a simple(and reasonable!) question. They usually roll their eyes and scrunch their face up in an extremely unflattering expression, because how dare you waste their time with such trivial nonsense?!
Well, one of my friends at work (ok, lets be honest...my ONLY friend at work- we'll call her Work Friend) had a run in with one of these Eye Rollers yesterday. Work Friend happened to be in another building of our place of employment looking to speak with someone there. She didn't know what this person looked like (she works in a different building and has only worked there since about July) and ended up making the mistake of asking the very person she was looking for where she could be found. WELL! Instead of saying "That's me" like most reasonable people would do, muchas rolling of los ojos and scrunching up of la cara ensued. HOW DARE Work Friend make such a grievous error in the midst of Such an Important Person!
Was the Roller of Los Ojos wearing a name tag? No. Was the Roller of Los Ojos standing in her office where there is a large name plate somewhere in direct view? No. Was the Roller of Los Ojos in the hallway looking like any other person who works in that building? Yes. Is she famous? No. Does she have an E! True Hollywood Story? No. Do people spend millions to purchase her eyelashes on Ebay? NO!
So...there's no reason why work friend should know who she is.
Work friend of course came to me to complain (and I since DO know the indentity of the Eye Roller and could relate- she can be identified by the snotty string of pearls that she always wears- although today the pearls were replaced with a scarf tied around her neck- ick) and after at least...oh...ten seconds of serious discussion, we came to the conclusion that This Person obviously has an Inflated Sense of Their Own Importance and therefore must be given an Appropriate Nickname and then be made fun of mercilessly- and so, the below email correspondence was born:
Hope: I've worked here the same amount of time and more people probably know who I am- and I am of course...a nobody- so what does that say about you S.Higgs? What does it say? It says that you're less known than the sad little Office Ass in room 301.
Work Friend: Yupper. Shiggs definitely suffers from delusions of grandeur.
Hope: Shiggs! A new nickname! To be placed among the other greats like- El Gordo, The Amish, The Curly Headed Minion, and the others!
It sounds like a skin condition.
Work Friend: Like scabies.
Hope: And ring worm.
Work Friend : Heh heh heh
Hope: Shiggs is a ring shaped fungus.
Work Friend: I think it is caused by a small bug that burrows under the skin…
Hope: Hmmm that might be more accurate. The pearls that the bug leaves behind as it's eating your dead skin cells causes extreme irritation and itching and comes with a nasty rash that almost always shows up on one's face.
Work Friend: It also causes the infected to lose control of their facial muscles. They develop uncontrollable facial tics and experience spontaneous nose crinkling.
Hope: Which can be abated slightly by wearing a scarf tied tightly around the neck, cutting off some blood circulation and therefore making the tics less severe.
Work Friend: Yes. Another common side-effect is a that the infected develops a predilection for auto-erotic asphyxiation. On account of the developing fondness for tight neckerchiefs.
Hope: Although the increasing severity of the tics and facial rash over time if left untreated causes the patient to be less and less able to indulge in their fetish with others due to the patient's growing unattractiveness.
Work Friend: Yes. I have heard that it also causes the skin to turn fake-and-bake yam-colored and causes facial features to appear tight and pinched.
Hope: And patients that have progressed as far as the Yam Stage tend to be sexually frustrated due to the unwillingness of others to engage in their favored sexual practices with them. This results in increasing irritability and unfriendliness in the patient due to the patient's lack of prospects.
Work Friend: She looks terrible - I hear she's got the Shiggs
Hope: Gasp. I believe she DOES have the Shiggs. And a very advanced stage I would guess, judging by the Yam Colored skin and the propensity for running people over with her car- which indicates the increased irritability commonly associated with the Yam Stage.
Work Friend: It truly is a devastating disease. We need your support. For just pennies a day we could * Cure* Shiggs. Please – make a donation today! With your help we can see an end to yam-faced, pearl-encrusted, neckerchief-wearing auto-eroticism enthusiasm associated with Shiggs in our life-time .
Hope: We need to raise Shiggs awareness in our society! There needs to be a Shiggs ribbon to put on cars. We should have a walk-a-thon.
Work Friend: Definitely a walk-a-thon. A phone-a-thon, like for Jerry's kids would be excellent! That is a cause that I can get behind 100%. We should have t-shirts and bumper stickers made – Stop Shiggs now!
Hope: Hahaha. And we could sell scarves as a fundraiser!
Work Friend: Scarves dotted with stop signs that read Shiggs instead of STOP. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Hope: We're geniuses. Why does no one realize that? Think of what we could do in marketing.
Everyone has at least one of those people at their workplace that rolls their eyes and acts like you're a filthy peasant any time you dare to ask them a simple(and reasonable!) question. They usually roll their eyes and scrunch their face up in an extremely unflattering expression, because how dare you waste their time with such trivial nonsense?!
Well, one of my friends at work (ok, lets be honest...my ONLY friend at work- we'll call her Work Friend) had a run in with one of these Eye Rollers yesterday. Work Friend happened to be in another building of our place of employment looking to speak with someone there. She didn't know what this person looked like (she works in a different building and has only worked there since about July) and ended up making the mistake of asking the very person she was looking for where she could be found. WELL! Instead of saying "That's me" like most reasonable people would do, muchas rolling of los ojos and scrunching up of la cara ensued. HOW DARE Work Friend make such a grievous error in the midst of Such an Important Person!
Was the Roller of Los Ojos wearing a name tag? No. Was the Roller of Los Ojos standing in her office where there is a large name plate somewhere in direct view? No. Was the Roller of Los Ojos in the hallway looking like any other person who works in that building? Yes. Is she famous? No. Does she have an E! True Hollywood Story? No. Do people spend millions to purchase her eyelashes on Ebay? NO!
So...there's no reason why work friend should know who she is.
Work friend of course came to me to complain (and I since DO know the indentity of the Eye Roller and could relate- she can be identified by the snotty string of pearls that she always wears- although today the pearls were replaced with a scarf tied around her neck- ick) and after at least...oh...ten seconds of serious discussion, we came to the conclusion that This Person obviously has an Inflated Sense of Their Own Importance and therefore must be given an Appropriate Nickname and then be made fun of mercilessly- and so, the below email correspondence was born:
Hope: I've worked here the same amount of time and more people probably know who I am- and I am of course...a nobody- so what does that say about you S.Higgs? What does it say? It says that you're less known than the sad little Office Ass in room 301.
Work Friend: Yupper. Shiggs definitely suffers from delusions of grandeur.
Hope: Shiggs! A new nickname! To be placed among the other greats like- El Gordo, The Amish, The Curly Headed Minion, and the others!
It sounds like a skin condition.
Work Friend: Like scabies.
Hope: And ring worm.
Work Friend : Heh heh heh
Hope: Shiggs is a ring shaped fungus.
Work Friend: I think it is caused by a small bug that burrows under the skin…
Hope: Hmmm that might be more accurate. The pearls that the bug leaves behind as it's eating your dead skin cells causes extreme irritation and itching and comes with a nasty rash that almost always shows up on one's face.
Work Friend: It also causes the infected to lose control of their facial muscles. They develop uncontrollable facial tics and experience spontaneous nose crinkling.
Hope: Which can be abated slightly by wearing a scarf tied tightly around the neck, cutting off some blood circulation and therefore making the tics less severe.
Work Friend: Yes. Another common side-effect is a that the infected develops a predilection for auto-erotic asphyxiation. On account of the developing fondness for tight neckerchiefs.
Hope: Although the increasing severity of the tics and facial rash over time if left untreated causes the patient to be less and less able to indulge in their fetish with others due to the patient's growing unattractiveness.
Work Friend: Yes. I have heard that it also causes the skin to turn fake-and-bake yam-colored and causes facial features to appear tight and pinched.
Hope: And patients that have progressed as far as the Yam Stage tend to be sexually frustrated due to the unwillingness of others to engage in their favored sexual practices with them. This results in increasing irritability and unfriendliness in the patient due to the patient's lack of prospects.
Work Friend: She looks terrible - I hear she's got the Shiggs
Hope: Gasp. I believe she DOES have the Shiggs. And a very advanced stage I would guess, judging by the Yam Colored skin and the propensity for running people over with her car- which indicates the increased irritability commonly associated with the Yam Stage.
Work Friend: It truly is a devastating disease. We need your support. For just pennies a day we could * Cure* Shiggs. Please – make a donation today! With your help we can see an end to yam-faced, pearl-encrusted, neckerchief-wearing auto-eroticism enthusiasm associated with Shiggs in our life-time .
Hope: We need to raise Shiggs awareness in our society! There needs to be a Shiggs ribbon to put on cars. We should have a walk-a-thon.
Work Friend: Definitely a walk-a-thon. A phone-a-thon, like for Jerry's kids would be excellent! That is a cause that I can get behind 100%. We should have t-shirts and bumper stickers made – Stop Shiggs now!
Hope: Hahaha. And we could sell scarves as a fundraiser!
Work Friend: Scarves dotted with stop signs that read Shiggs instead of STOP. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Hope: We're geniuses. Why does no one realize that? Think of what we could do in marketing.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
LETS GET OUR INTERNATIONAL WOMENS DAY ON!
Today’s International Women’s Day Theme here at Important Blog is:
Why women’s liberation you say? Didn’t that already happen? Haven’t women already been liberated? Aren’t men and women equal now?
Well, my friends, the answer is no, no, and definitely not!
Over at The National Council for Research on Women, they provide a very comprehensive list of the many reasons why the women’s liberation movement is still relevent and why it still needs to be very much alive, but I’m going concentrate on just a few that I feel really indicate the inequality that still exists between men and women in the world today.
First:
Women are still trafficked. Women and girls are the majority of the 800,000 to nearly 4 million people trafficked internationally every year.
An article on CNN.com details the struggle of one girl who was sold at age five by her parents to a brothel that caters to sex tourists and is very much worth reading to gain more insight on this issue. Please go and read the whole article because it is truly enlightening, but for the purposes of this blog, here are some important facts presented in the article related to the trafficking of women and children for the sex trade:
• More than 1 million children in global sex trade each year, U.S. State Dept. says
• 50,000 to 100,000 women and children involved in Cambodia's sex industry alone
• Gang rape, AIDS, torture afflict the women and children in this field
So, these women and children need to be liberated in the most literal sense of the word.
Second:
Girls are still unwanted in many countries.
In many countries, including India and China, girl children are still considered less desirable by parents, many of which are neglected, put up for adoption, or killed.
You may say, what does that have to do with me? At least women in the U.S. are equal right?
Negative GhostRider!
Right here in the U.S.:
Women are still underpaid. Women earn only 76 cents to every dollar earned by men – and have done so for the past 20 years!
Seriously. Ew. If that doesn’t scream “Women Still Need Liberating!” I don’t know what does. Remember, women only got the right to be involved in the political processes of this country less than 100 years ago! (Which is why we ALL HAVE TO VOTE- we haven’t had that right for very long and our grandmothers fought very hard for that privilege- so we sure as hell better use it.)
One example of late that proves that women are indeed NOT considered equal in this country is the question:
Are we ready for a woman President?
How many times have you heard this as we head into the 2008 Presidential Election? I have heard it way more times than I'd like to recall. If we were truly considered equal, than this question would never be voiced, because no one ever wonders if we’re ready for a human president.
(This of course also applies to any minority running for President.)
So in short my friends- don’t get all lazy and rest on the laurels of those who came before. There are still many steps that need to be taken (cheesy metaphor alert!) on the road to gender equality- the majority of which I wasn't able to mention here for lack of time and space.
Support Women’s Liberation and support Blog Against Sexism Day- there are tons of blogs involved, so check them out!
And now, I leave you with a final thought:
Today’s International Women’s Day Theme here at Important Blog is:
Why women’s liberation you say? Didn’t that already happen? Haven’t women already been liberated? Aren’t men and women equal now?
Well, my friends, the answer is no, no, and definitely not!
Over at The National Council for Research on Women, they provide a very comprehensive list of the many reasons why the women’s liberation movement is still relevent and why it still needs to be very much alive, but I’m going concentrate on just a few that I feel really indicate the inequality that still exists between men and women in the world today.
First:
Women are still trafficked. Women and girls are the majority of the 800,000 to nearly 4 million people trafficked internationally every year.
An article on CNN.com details the struggle of one girl who was sold at age five by her parents to a brothel that caters to sex tourists and is very much worth reading to gain more insight on this issue. Please go and read the whole article because it is truly enlightening, but for the purposes of this blog, here are some important facts presented in the article related to the trafficking of women and children for the sex trade:
• More than 1 million children in global sex trade each year, U.S. State Dept. says
• 50,000 to 100,000 women and children involved in Cambodia's sex industry alone
• Gang rape, AIDS, torture afflict the women and children in this field
So, these women and children need to be liberated in the most literal sense of the word.
Second:
Girls are still unwanted in many countries.
In many countries, including India and China, girl children are still considered less desirable by parents, many of which are neglected, put up for adoption, or killed.
You may say, what does that have to do with me? At least women in the U.S. are equal right?
Negative GhostRider!
Right here in the U.S.:
Women are still underpaid. Women earn only 76 cents to every dollar earned by men – and have done so for the past 20 years!
Seriously. Ew. If that doesn’t scream “Women Still Need Liberating!” I don’t know what does. Remember, women only got the right to be involved in the political processes of this country less than 100 years ago! (Which is why we ALL HAVE TO VOTE- we haven’t had that right for very long and our grandmothers fought very hard for that privilege- so we sure as hell better use it.)
One example of late that proves that women are indeed NOT considered equal in this country is the question:
Are we ready for a woman President?
How many times have you heard this as we head into the 2008 Presidential Election? I have heard it way more times than I'd like to recall. If we were truly considered equal, than this question would never be voiced, because no one ever wonders if we’re ready for a human president.
(This of course also applies to any minority running for President.)
So in short my friends- don’t get all lazy and rest on the laurels of those who came before. There are still many steps that need to be taken (cheesy metaphor alert!) on the road to gender equality- the majority of which I wasn't able to mention here for lack of time and space.
Support Women’s Liberation and support Blog Against Sexism Day- there are tons of blogs involved, so check them out!
And now, I leave you with a final thought:
*Many thanks to The National Council of Research on Women for the information that I gathered from their site.
*Thanks also to feministing for the image above.
**To any concerned readers- my extremely pointless and nonpolitical posts will resume tomorrow. This issue warranted a step off the Pointless Path onto Serious Street, if only for a moment. I thank you for your support and understanding.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
NEVER:
Agree to design a flyer for an event sponsored by several different committees, for you will have to make more physical changes to it than Brittany Spears' hair goes through in any given month and your "Thanks To:" at the bottom (which you were forced to include) will take up more room on the flyer than the description of the actual event making said flyer (that you spent hours trying to make visually pleasing) look UGLY and which will STILL induce complaining by those who think they were left off.
So. In short, if asked:
JUST SAY NO!
Agree to design a flyer for an event sponsored by several different committees, for you will have to make more physical changes to it than Brittany Spears' hair goes through in any given month and your "Thanks To:" at the bottom (which you were forced to include) will take up more room on the flyer than the description of the actual event making said flyer (that you spent hours trying to make visually pleasing) look UGLY and which will STILL induce complaining by those who think they were left off.
So. In short, if asked:
JUST SAY NO!
Thursday, February 01, 2007
WORDS I HATE AND NEVER WANT TO HEAR AGAIN: INSTALLMENT ONE
The following is a list of words I have come across a lot lately and have had quite enough of. This is just installment one because I want to break it up into categories as not to overwhelm. Installment one deals with vocabulary relating to children. Now, its no secret that I don't really LIKE children (I think they're cute from a far. From VERY a far) so, perhaps I'm biased, but I know that I'm not alone in a few of these...even among those who have spawn of their own.
Baby Bump - Seriously? Could we PLEASE stop hearing this word? The celeb "Bump Watch" is making me want to vomit. (Sometimes...people just have a pooch there in the lower abdomen area! It doesn't mean your preggers, cause if it did, I've been pregs for 20 years now.)
Playdate - What happened to just "we met up and our kids happened to be there" OR "our kids met up to play" OR JUST "We got together"? Why the special word? It just adds to the many words/phrases that make parents seem like they lost all normal word function once their egg hatched.
Mommy Wars - No one is EVER going to come to a consensus on who's a bad mother/good mother based on breast feeding vs. formula, working vs. staying home, etc etc etc, so lets stop with the "mommy wars." Look, if you don't lock your kids up in the basement and systematically torture them- you're doing all right. Do you feed them something? Ok then. (And could we find a less irritating phrase than "mommy wars"? No one over the age of 7 should be using the word "mommy.")
And lastly, a phrase used often within "mommy war" diatribe:
Breast is Best - It rhymes. One of the words is breast. Another of the words rhymes with breast. The only other word involved is "is". Enough said.
The following is a list of words I have come across a lot lately and have had quite enough of. This is just installment one because I want to break it up into categories as not to overwhelm. Installment one deals with vocabulary relating to children. Now, its no secret that I don't really LIKE children (I think they're cute from a far. From VERY a far) so, perhaps I'm biased, but I know that I'm not alone in a few of these...even among those who have spawn of their own.
Baby Bump - Seriously? Could we PLEASE stop hearing this word? The celeb "Bump Watch" is making me want to vomit. (Sometimes...people just have a pooch there in the lower abdomen area! It doesn't mean your preggers, cause if it did, I've been pregs for 20 years now.)
Playdate - What happened to just "we met up and our kids happened to be there" OR "our kids met up to play" OR JUST "We got together"? Why the special word? It just adds to the many words/phrases that make parents seem like they lost all normal word function once their egg hatched.
Mommy Wars - No one is EVER going to come to a consensus on who's a bad mother/good mother based on breast feeding vs. formula, working vs. staying home, etc etc etc, so lets stop with the "mommy wars." Look, if you don't lock your kids up in the basement and systematically torture them- you're doing all right. Do you feed them something? Ok then. (And could we find a less irritating phrase than "mommy wars"? No one over the age of 7 should be using the word "mommy.")
And lastly, a phrase used often within "mommy war" diatribe:
Breast is Best - It rhymes. One of the words is breast. Another of the words rhymes with breast. The only other word involved is "is". Enough said.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
SERIOUSLY?
From the New York Post:
January 18, 2007 -- This bum really can't catch a break - an Upper East Side antiques dealer has filed a million-dollar lawsuit demanding the vagrant vamoose from the sidewalk grate in front of his shop.
The less fortunate often loiter in front of Karl Kemp and Associates Antiques at 833 Madison Ave., standing on the small grate for heat, but Kemp says they're cooling off his business by blocking the shop window...
"You make a wonderful effort to have an attractive window, people come out from the building next door, they don't see him and they trip over him," he said. "It happened twice last August. One lady hurt herself." (Emphasis mine)
That's awful! I mean, what are the homeless doing trying to get warm in front of this poor man's shop?! Don't they see they're ruining the wonderful effort that he spends to have an attractive window? Rich people don't want to see bums getting warm when they're on the way to pay entirely too much money for a piece of furniture- it makes them feel uncomfortable! And uncomfortable rich people do not Patrons of Over Priced Antiques make! Which hurts business!!!
Seriously. What are they going to do- repossess this dude’s house? Maybe his car? Maybe they’ll just impound his shopping cart until he pays.
And what about the lady who "hurt herself"? All you have to do to avoid a Tripped Over A Homeless Person and Broke a Hip accident is to look where you're going. If you hurt yourself falling over a full grown person sitting on the street, you don't deserve to walk.
Jeez.
From the New York Post:
January 18, 2007 -- This bum really can't catch a break - an Upper East Side antiques dealer has filed a million-dollar lawsuit demanding the vagrant vamoose from the sidewalk grate in front of his shop.
The less fortunate often loiter in front of Karl Kemp and Associates Antiques at 833 Madison Ave., standing on the small grate for heat, but Kemp says they're cooling off his business by blocking the shop window...
"You make a wonderful effort to have an attractive window, people come out from the building next door, they don't see him and they trip over him," he said. "It happened twice last August. One lady hurt herself." (Emphasis mine)
That's awful! I mean, what are the homeless doing trying to get warm in front of this poor man's shop?! Don't they see they're ruining the wonderful effort that he spends to have an attractive window? Rich people don't want to see bums getting warm when they're on the way to pay entirely too much money for a piece of furniture- it makes them feel uncomfortable! And uncomfortable rich people do not Patrons of Over Priced Antiques make! Which hurts business!!!
Seriously. What are they going to do- repossess this dude’s house? Maybe his car? Maybe they’ll just impound his shopping cart until he pays.
And what about the lady who "hurt herself"? All you have to do to avoid a Tripped Over A Homeless Person and Broke a Hip accident is to look where you're going. If you hurt yourself falling over a full grown person sitting on the street, you don't deserve to walk.
Jeez.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
