I WILL WEAR IT PROUDLY UNTIL THE END OF TIME

It is amazingly gross here on the East Coast. Chilly, with added bonus of Rain, Flooding, and Overabundance of Office Air-conditioning. But you know what? It did not ruin my day. How you ask? How did the weather not ruin the day of someone whose day is already somewhat ruined by Having To Work in the First Place?

Well Gentle Readers, my day was saved by the greatest rainy day invention of all time:

The Swobe.

I keep one stashed in my office for the very times of which we speak, and today…I have to say…the Swobe Saved the Day. Just slap a big S on the back of said swobe and call it Super Swobe. Swobe the Magnificent. Queen Swobe. Swobe the Swell. Long live the Swobe!

Long. Live. The. Swobe.

SPEAKING OF SIMPLE...

I just tried to revive my tired blog by changing the template and colors...and...um...after trying many different things...I think I "changed it" into almost an exact replica of its former self.

Except perhaps a tad uglier.

DOH.

I AM SUCH A SIMPLE SOUL...

The dumbest stuff causes me the most amusement. Today on the way to work the DJ referred to someone tailgating as 'being a total barnicle' and I laughed (out loud) to myself for at least five minutes.

Barnicle, people. Barnicle.

*Thanks to Elliot of DC 101 for making up that phrase and thus making being stuck in traffic totally worthwhile.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

IT'S OVER! IT'S FINALLY OVER!

Today is November 30 which means....NABLOPOMO is at an end! WOOHOO! Ring the bells! Sound the retreat!

Why the excitement you say? Why should I be excited about something I most certainly half-assed anyway? Why? WHY?!

Because even though I half-assed (and that's...literally half-assed...I don't think I posted even HALF of 30 posts during the month of November) it still caused me stress and anxiety when I would occasionally remember that I was supposed to be participating- reminding me that I was not even TRYING to make an effort. And that for every day that I was not posting- not even TRYING to post- after saying that I would at least try- I was FAILING.

But...then I thought, you know...instead of feeling like a Failure, I should feel like a Success! Because I am being a Success at Failing! And I should rejoice that I am proving to myself and others that I have not become Someone I'm Not. Someone that "wins" or "puts forth a lot of effort" or "gives a crap". I am, as I have always been and hopefully will always be, a Quitter.

I Procrastinate ("I can't post now! My hair needs to be checked thoroughly for split ends!" or "I can't post now! My shoe laces are in obvious need of being unlaced and then laced again!"). I Make Excuses ("Uh...my charger broke...causing me to lose so much momentum that I just can not possibly be expected to pick back up in two hours when my laptop finishes recharging. I just can not possibly recover from that kind of a set back. Honestly.")

And when it comes down to it, I'm just plain Lazy. Why post when you could...uh...not post?

Yes my friends, I am a Quitter. I don't "persevere" when "faced with obstacles". I don't "try harder" when "experiencing minor setbacks".

I never have. Some might say that makes me a "slacker" or an "underachiever". Someone who's "going nowhere". But you know what I say? I say it makes me "consistent".

So I may be a Quitter, but I'm always a quitter. No surprises here. Nope. Not a one. What I have not accomplished today I will not have accomplished tomorrow. Or a week from now. Or when I'm 60.

You can have your "goals" and your "satisfaction at a job well done".

When you're old and worn out and tired of carrying around the burden of your many achievements, you can leave your penthouse, sell your personal jet, and come hang out with me. You'll be able to find me. Just look around. I'll be the one smiling, with my feet up...

...livin' in that van down by the river.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING A DAY LATE!

I hope everyone's Thanksgiving was spectacular! Filled with food and friends and love. :)

WAY CUTE OR PASS THE AIRSICK BAG?

Am I being a curmudgeon or is the sight of a couple high-fiving while in line at the supermarket totally vomit worthy?

Please let me know so I can adjust my viewpoint accordingly.

HOW 80’s AND EARLY 90’s POP CULTURE, LIKE, TOTALLY SAVED THE DAY:

Here’s how my morning started:

• Got up a half hour early to go to the bank.
• Left my house in the rain.
• Realized 10 minutes after leaving my house that my feet were already Wet, Slimy, and Cold.
• Completed the 30 Minute That Should Only Have Been 10 But People Suck At Driving trip to the bank only to find…the bank is CLOSED. Apparently THAT branch doesn’t open until 12pm. Stupid branch. Stupid bank.
• Began the drive back to work- already late due to my totally wasted effort.

Crappy start to an Already Crappy Because I Have to Go To Work Again Day, no? Oui, I thought so too.

BUT. BUT…this day has since been rescued! Yes, I realize I should probably be embarrassed by what I’m about to tell you, but hey…I work at a boring job where I am chained to my desk for 8 hours a day…it doesn’t take much to Cause Unwarranted Excitement and Overall Glee.

SO. I know you’re dying to know what caused such glee.

FIRST. On the rainy, dreary, feet are still wet drive back I heard…(on a supposedly normal radio station-I have since reevaluated said station)…THE SPICE GIRLS.

And not their latest Attempt at a Comeback which I’m trying very hard to ignore (I mean, seriously…do they really think they can bring back the Girl Power? They’re all, like, MOMS n’ stuff. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a mom…and they’re still hot- I should be so lucky- but its just…not the same.) No, no, this was an oldie. And oh yes, I sang along.

“Tell me what you want what you really really want. I’ll TELL you what I want what I really really want…Everybody’s down and wine is all around!”

If those aren’t some quality lyrics, I don’t know what are!

(Cue feelings of Shame and Embarrassment for ignoring the Don’t Do That Alarm in my brain and actually typing those lyrics out.)

SECOND. I found out that there are THREE (count em’ three!) blogs devoted solely to 80’s Tween Lit.

1. The Dairi Burger- Recaps the old Sweet Valley High books with added commentary. AWESOME. I read all of them, and it’s totally fun to look back and see them lovingly broken down by Each Individual Ridiculous Element.
2. BSC Headquarters- Much like The Dairy Burger, except this blog critiques the Babysitters Club. ALSO AWESOME. I read all these books as well. (And yes, I was a Total Geek growing up, thank you.)
3. What Claudia Wore- Chronicles the ‘Artsy and, Like, Totally Fashion Forward’ style of Claudia Kishi- also Babysitters Club if for some like, totally, unacceptable reason you didn’t already know that. Posts are broken down Outfit by- what was she thinking?!- Outfit.

So…let's summarize:

The Spice Girls, Sweet Valley High, AND the Babysitters Club.

AND ALL BEFORE LUNCHTIME!

My day is complete. Even my slimy feet couldn’t bring me down off this Hot Pink Eighties cloud. Throw in the Goonies and I’d probably pee my pants.


Thanks to Feministing for the tip!