THE SHIGGS- IT'S GOIN' AROUND
Everyone has at least one of those people at their workplace that rolls their eyes and acts like you're a filthy peasant any time you dare to ask them a simple(and reasonable!) question. They usually roll their eyes and scrunch their face up in an extremely unflattering expression, because how dare you waste their time with such trivial nonsense?!
Well, one of my friends at work (ok, lets be honest...my ONLY friend at work- we'll call her Work Friend) had a run in with one of these Eye Rollers yesterday. Work Friend happened to be in another building of our place of employment looking to speak with someone there. She didn't know what this person looked like (she works in a different building and has only worked there since about July) and ended up making the mistake of asking the very person she was looking for where she could be found. WELL! Instead of saying "That's me" like most reasonable people would do, muchas rolling of los ojos and scrunching up of la cara ensued. HOW DARE Work Friend make such a grievous error in the midst of Such an Important Person!
Was the Roller of Los Ojos wearing a name tag? No. Was the Roller of Los Ojos standing in her office where there is a large name plate somewhere in direct view? No. Was the Roller of Los Ojos in the hallway looking like any other person who works in that building? Yes. Is she famous? No. Does she have an E! True Hollywood Story? No. Do people spend millions to purchase her eyelashes on Ebay? NO!
So...there's no reason why work friend should know who she is.
Work friend of course came to me to complain (and I since DO know the indentity of the Eye Roller and could relate- she can be identified by the snotty string of pearls that she always wears- although today the pearls were replaced with a scarf tied around her neck- ick) and after at least...oh...ten seconds of serious discussion, we came to the conclusion that This Person obviously has an Inflated Sense of Their Own Importance and therefore must be given an Appropriate Nickname and then be made fun of mercilessly- and so, the below email correspondence was born:
Hope: I've worked here the same amount of time and more people probably know who I am- and I am of course...a nobody- so what does that say about you S.Higgs? What does it say? It says that you're less known than the sad little Office Ass in room 301.
Work Friend: Yupper. Shiggs definitely suffers from delusions of grandeur.
Hope: Shiggs! A new nickname! To be placed among the other greats like- El Gordo, The Amish, The Curly Headed Minion, and the others!
It sounds like a skin condition.
Work Friend: Like scabies.
Hope: And ring worm.
Work Friend : Heh heh heh
Hope: Shiggs is a ring shaped fungus.
Work Friend: I think it is caused by a small bug that burrows under the skin…
Hope: Hmmm that might be more accurate. The pearls that the bug leaves behind as it's eating your dead skin cells causes extreme irritation and itching and comes with a nasty rash that almost always shows up on one's face.
Work Friend: It also causes the infected to lose control of their facial muscles. They develop uncontrollable facial tics and experience spontaneous nose crinkling.
Hope: Which can be abated slightly by wearing a scarf tied tightly around the neck, cutting off some blood circulation and therefore making the tics less severe.
Work Friend: Yes. Another common side-effect is a that the infected develops a predilection for auto-erotic asphyxiation. On account of the developing fondness for tight neckerchiefs.
Hope: Although the increasing severity of the tics and facial rash over time if left untreated causes the patient to be less and less able to indulge in their fetish with others due to the patient's growing unattractiveness.
Work Friend: Yes. I have heard that it also causes the skin to turn fake-and-bake yam-colored and causes facial features to appear tight and pinched.
Hope: And patients that have progressed as far as the Yam Stage tend to be sexually frustrated due to the unwillingness of others to engage in their favored sexual practices with them. This results in increasing irritability and unfriendliness in the patient due to the patient's lack of prospects.
Work Friend: She looks terrible - I hear she's got the Shiggs
Hope: Gasp. I believe she DOES have the Shiggs. And a very advanced stage I would guess, judging by the Yam Colored skin and the propensity for running people over with her car- which indicates the increased irritability commonly associated with the Yam Stage.
Work Friend: It truly is a devastating disease. We need your support. For just pennies a day we could * Cure* Shiggs. Please – make a donation today! With your help we can see an end to yam-faced, pearl-encrusted, neckerchief-wearing auto-eroticism enthusiasm associated with Shiggs in our life-time .
Hope: We need to raise Shiggs awareness in our society! There needs to be a Shiggs ribbon to put on cars. We should have a walk-a-thon.
Work Friend: Definitely a walk-a-thon. A phone-a-thon, like for Jerry's kids would be excellent! That is a cause that I can get behind 100%. We should have t-shirts and bumper stickers made – Stop Shiggs now!
Hope: Hahaha. And we could sell scarves as a fundraiser!
Work Friend: Scarves dotted with stop signs that read Shiggs instead of STOP. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Hope: We're geniuses. Why does no one realize that? Think of what we could do in marketing.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Friday, March 09, 2007
Thursday, March 08, 2007
LETS GET OUR INTERNATIONAL WOMENS DAY ON!
Today’s International Women’s Day Theme here at Important Blog is:
Why women’s liberation you say? Didn’t that already happen? Haven’t women already been liberated? Aren’t men and women equal now?
Well, my friends, the answer is no, no, and definitely not!
Over at The National Council for Research on Women, they provide a very comprehensive list of the many reasons why the women’s liberation movement is still relevent and why it still needs to be very much alive, but I’m going concentrate on just a few that I feel really indicate the inequality that still exists between men and women in the world today.
First:
Women are still trafficked. Women and girls are the majority of the 800,000 to nearly 4 million people trafficked internationally every year.
An article on CNN.com details the struggle of one girl who was sold at age five by her parents to a brothel that caters to sex tourists and is very much worth reading to gain more insight on this issue. Please go and read the whole article because it is truly enlightening, but for the purposes of this blog, here are some important facts presented in the article related to the trafficking of women and children for the sex trade:
• More than 1 million children in global sex trade each year, U.S. State Dept. says
• 50,000 to 100,000 women and children involved in Cambodia's sex industry alone
• Gang rape, AIDS, torture afflict the women and children in this field
So, these women and children need to be liberated in the most literal sense of the word.
Second:
Girls are still unwanted in many countries.
In many countries, including India and China, girl children are still considered less desirable by parents, many of which are neglected, put up for adoption, or killed.
You may say, what does that have to do with me? At least women in the U.S. are equal right?
Negative GhostRider!
Right here in the U.S.:
Women are still underpaid. Women earn only 76 cents to every dollar earned by men – and have done so for the past 20 years!
Seriously. Ew. If that doesn’t scream “Women Still Need Liberating!” I don’t know what does. Remember, women only got the right to be involved in the political processes of this country less than 100 years ago! (Which is why we ALL HAVE TO VOTE- we haven’t had that right for very long and our grandmothers fought very hard for that privilege- so we sure as hell better use it.)
One example of late that proves that women are indeed NOT considered equal in this country is the question:
Are we ready for a woman President?
How many times have you heard this as we head into the 2008 Presidential Election? I have heard it way more times than I'd like to recall. If we were truly considered equal, than this question would never be voiced, because no one ever wonders if we’re ready for a human president.
(This of course also applies to any minority running for President.)
So in short my friends- don’t get all lazy and rest on the laurels of those who came before. There are still many steps that need to be taken (cheesy metaphor alert!) on the road to gender equality- the majority of which I wasn't able to mention here for lack of time and space.
Support Women’s Liberation and support Blog Against Sexism Day- there are tons of blogs involved, so check them out!
And now, I leave you with a final thought:
Today’s International Women’s Day Theme here at Important Blog is:
Why women’s liberation you say? Didn’t that already happen? Haven’t women already been liberated? Aren’t men and women equal now?
Well, my friends, the answer is no, no, and definitely not!
Over at The National Council for Research on Women, they provide a very comprehensive list of the many reasons why the women’s liberation movement is still relevent and why it still needs to be very much alive, but I’m going concentrate on just a few that I feel really indicate the inequality that still exists between men and women in the world today.
First:
Women are still trafficked. Women and girls are the majority of the 800,000 to nearly 4 million people trafficked internationally every year.
An article on CNN.com details the struggle of one girl who was sold at age five by her parents to a brothel that caters to sex tourists and is very much worth reading to gain more insight on this issue. Please go and read the whole article because it is truly enlightening, but for the purposes of this blog, here are some important facts presented in the article related to the trafficking of women and children for the sex trade:
• More than 1 million children in global sex trade each year, U.S. State Dept. says
• 50,000 to 100,000 women and children involved in Cambodia's sex industry alone
• Gang rape, AIDS, torture afflict the women and children in this field
So, these women and children need to be liberated in the most literal sense of the word.
Second:
Girls are still unwanted in many countries.
In many countries, including India and China, girl children are still considered less desirable by parents, many of which are neglected, put up for adoption, or killed.
You may say, what does that have to do with me? At least women in the U.S. are equal right?
Negative GhostRider!
Right here in the U.S.:
Women are still underpaid. Women earn only 76 cents to every dollar earned by men – and have done so for the past 20 years!
Seriously. Ew. If that doesn’t scream “Women Still Need Liberating!” I don’t know what does. Remember, women only got the right to be involved in the political processes of this country less than 100 years ago! (Which is why we ALL HAVE TO VOTE- we haven’t had that right for very long and our grandmothers fought very hard for that privilege- so we sure as hell better use it.)
One example of late that proves that women are indeed NOT considered equal in this country is the question:
Are we ready for a woman President?
How many times have you heard this as we head into the 2008 Presidential Election? I have heard it way more times than I'd like to recall. If we were truly considered equal, than this question would never be voiced, because no one ever wonders if we’re ready for a human president.
(This of course also applies to any minority running for President.)
So in short my friends- don’t get all lazy and rest on the laurels of those who came before. There are still many steps that need to be taken (cheesy metaphor alert!) on the road to gender equality- the majority of which I wasn't able to mention here for lack of time and space.
Support Women’s Liberation and support Blog Against Sexism Day- there are tons of blogs involved, so check them out!
And now, I leave you with a final thought:
*Many thanks to The National Council of Research on Women for the information that I gathered from their site.
*Thanks also to feministing for the image above.
**To any concerned readers- my extremely pointless and nonpolitical posts will resume tomorrow. This issue warranted a step off the Pointless Path onto Serious Street, if only for a moment. I thank you for your support and understanding.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Friday, March 02, 2007
THE SUN WILL COME OUT TOMORROW
But NOT tomorrow! TODAY! The sun has come out TODAY! Why? Because I have WINSTON! (See post below). I actually think Winston has the power to control the sun. Why you say? What proof do I have?
Oh you doubting Thomases...
BECAUSE...the second I finished writing that post about how Winston has become the figurative Rainbow in my Dreary February Life...the sun ACTUALLY came out. The actual sun physically came out. RIGHT THEN!
WHAT MORE PROOF DO YOU NEED?
Winston is magic.
But NOT tomorrow! TODAY! The sun has come out TODAY! Why? Because I have WINSTON! (See post below). I actually think Winston has the power to control the sun. Why you say? What proof do I have?
Oh you doubting Thomases...
BECAUSE...the second I finished writing that post about how Winston has become the figurative Rainbow in my Dreary February Life...the sun ACTUALLY came out. The actual sun physically came out. RIGHT THEN!
WHAT MORE PROOF DO YOU NEED?
Winston is magic.
AND THEN IT WAS MARCH
February is the blahist month ever.
In February's defense, its not really February's FAULT...its nothing having to do with the personality of February, I'm sure that February is a very nice and intelligent month...and its not February's FAULT that it happens to occur in the United States during the yuckiest time of year. That blah time when everyone is sick of winter but its not spring yet and the weather just can't ever get it right. So, don't worry Februrary, I'm sure that someone loves you- probably someone in the southern hemisphere where its summer- but...much as I hate to say it to your face...that someone is not me. And, just as the styles of the 1980's overstepped their boundaries and coated the Early 90's with Aqua Net- the Ick of Februrary tends to ooze right over the line and infect March too.
That being said, imagine my joy- my utter GLEE!- at finding a rainbow shining through the rainy, muddy CRAP that is March 2.
Was it a real rainbow you ask? Shining through the clouds as I drove to work today? No. Don't be silly. That wouldn't cause GLEE! - Wonder and Awe perhaps- but not GLEE!
No, my friends, the visual image that caused my day, month, week, and most likely even YEAR to brighten like Courtney Love's unfortunate gold lame frock was:
WINSTON.
I highly recommend FourFour in general, I check in daily and it rarely fails to amuse, but the real gem within the Witty Words of Wisdom and Whimsy is Winston the Cat. And the series of pictures posted today is the Shiny Gold Star upon the Winston Christmas Tree.
Do go and see. Go pay homage to the Point of Light within this blah February/March season. Won't you? Won't you go and and see? It'll change your life.
I GARE-ON-TEE.
February is the blahist month ever.
In February's defense, its not really February's FAULT...its nothing having to do with the personality of February, I'm sure that February is a very nice and intelligent month...and its not February's FAULT that it happens to occur in the United States during the yuckiest time of year. That blah time when everyone is sick of winter but its not spring yet and the weather just can't ever get it right. So, don't worry Februrary, I'm sure that someone loves you- probably someone in the southern hemisphere where its summer- but...much as I hate to say it to your face...that someone is not me. And, just as the styles of the 1980's overstepped their boundaries and coated the Early 90's with Aqua Net- the Ick of Februrary tends to ooze right over the line and infect March too.
That being said, imagine my joy- my utter GLEE!- at finding a rainbow shining through the rainy, muddy CRAP that is March 2.
Was it a real rainbow you ask? Shining through the clouds as I drove to work today? No. Don't be silly. That wouldn't cause GLEE! - Wonder and Awe perhaps- but not GLEE!
No, my friends, the visual image that caused my day, month, week, and most likely even YEAR to brighten like Courtney Love's unfortunate gold lame frock was:
WINSTON.
I highly recommend FourFour in general, I check in daily and it rarely fails to amuse, but the real gem within the Witty Words of Wisdom and Whimsy is Winston the Cat. And the series of pictures posted today is the Shiny Gold Star upon the Winston Christmas Tree.
Do go and see. Go pay homage to the Point of Light within this blah February/March season. Won't you? Won't you go and and see? It'll change your life.
I GARE-ON-TEE.
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