HELLO, YOU'VE REACHED HOPE'S VOICEMAIL. PLEASE REFRAIN FROM LEAVING A MESSAGE. THANK YOU.

Why do people think voicemail is there for them to leave actual MESSAGES? Don’t people know how many STEPS it takes to check one’s voicemail and how unnecessary it is when cell phones have caller ID and I already know who called? I don’t NEED you to leave a message. All I need is to see that you called, at which point I will call you back. Or not, depending on Who You Are. Collection agencies need not apply.

Most troublesome are messages that consist of nothing more than “Hey it’s __________. Call me back.” Yes, I KNOW it’s you and using my Above Average Powers of Deduction I have already come to the conclusion that you Want Me To Call You Back.

As with any Great Rule, however, there ARE exceptions, which Include But Are Not Limited To the following:

1. I don’t know you, have never talked to you, and therefore wouldn’t recognize your number.
2. You have a Really Great Anecdote that you are DYING to tell someone (or someone’s voicemail in the absence of Actual Person) and if you don’t get to verbalize said Really Great Anecdote immediately you’ll just EXPLODE.
3. You need to communicate something but your Train Is About To Go Through A Tunnel or you’re About To Enter A Movie Theater or some other Activity That Would Render You Unavailable should I call you right back.
4. You don’t need me to call you back, you just need to Tell Me Something.

That being said, I suppose that my problem with voicemail messages is really just limited to those people who frequently call me just to say hi and always leave the same message…(“Hi, it’s me, call me back”)…even after I’ve told them that I don’t ever check their messages, I just call them right back. And upon further reflection, I suppose there are really only one or two people who do this…none of whom read this blog.

…so…maybe it’s not really a problem at all.

Maybe I should stop writing now.